One of the biggest things to learn on your journey of self-love (yes, I know corny as heck, or what?) and one of the best places to start is identifying who it is that you are. Because if you don’t know who you are, how can you love who you are? Know what makes you, you? Now, of course, this is not set in stone because we’re constantly changing but that’s a blog post all in itself. The main thing though is that we identify who we are at our core and learn to love that person.
And a big part of becoming self-aware is knowing what personality type you are. And if you’re struggling to work that out, take a test (no seriously) like this humanmetrics one, whatever helps you to understand yourself even better. This can really benefit you and help you to understand that personalities are more than simply being an extrovert or an introvert, (you can be an extrovert with certain introvert tendencies or an introvert with some extrovert characteristics) but also boost our understanding of what motivates us and why we react as we do to certain situations. Because understanding who we are rather than not understanding who we are or even worse wishing we weren’t who we are will help us to feel much more self-confident.
Personally, I’m an introvert and an empath but I’m also determined and confident. I’m swayed by feelings but also very logical. I give more than I take, probably sometimes to my detriment. I can be loud, I can laugh even louder but mostly I’m pretty quiet. Sometimes I’m quiet because I’m uncomfortable, sometimes I’m quiet because I’m very comfortable, sometimes I’m quiet because I’m content, sometimes I’m quiet because I’m thinking (a lot), sometimes I’m quiet because I’m absorbing, taking in the moment and savouring it.
Do I sometimes wish I’d been more vocal? Yes. Do I sometimes curse myself for thinking of the perfect thing to say an hour after I should have said it? Yes. Do I sometimes wish I wasn’t awkward? Yes. Do I sometimes wish I wasn’t in my own head so much? Yes, of course. Do I sometimes wish that I was a better talker than a writer? Yes but I’ll probably send you a lovely text. Do I hate myself for those things? No.
So many times I’ve been told I need to be more confident, the implication being that I need to be louder. Or be like such and such, look at how loud and confident they are. But those people are not me. And I can only ever be me. Just as you can only ever be you. I remember thinking but I don’t want to be like them, I want to be like me. And you know what? That’s one heck of a powerful statement to make and showed just how even though perhaps to the outside world I might not appear confident I actually had a lot more self-confidence than many gave me credit for. It can be good to learn that confidence isn’t always a loud roar but sometimes a quiet, self-assured nod.
Of course, you can always better yourself. And again, I stress, do it out of self-love, not self-hate. You can learn to be more assertive. Funnily, life with a chronic illness has really helped me with that. Or whatever it is that you wish to improve. But you don’t have to completely change who you are. Just learn to accept who it is that you are, completely.
So for all the introverts out there, like me, don’t think that you have to be a certain way to be confident. Don’t compare yourself to others. You do you. There are many things you can work on, should you wish to, as you continue to grow and learn but never feel bad for being who you are. So what if you’re shy? There are far worse things to be. Learn to work with yourself rather than against yourself. And most importantly learn to love yourself for who you are, quirks and all.
Other posts in the Lessons in self-love series: