Lessons in self-love: Take charge of your own happiness



For this next instalment of my lessons in self-love mini-series, I wanted to talk about the importance of taking charge of your own happiness. Sounds simple. right? But it’s surprising how many of us place our balls of happiness in other peoples courts. For example, are we truly happy within ourselves or are we happy because we’re relying on other people to make us happy? And if they’re not living up to that weight of expectation that we’re placing upon them to make us happy does this, in turn, make us distinctively unhappy? Take a minute to ask yourself those questions.

Are you going from friendship to friendship or relationship to relationship expecting each one to fill that void where self-love should be? And still feeling deeply unhappy, like something is missing on the inside.

That’s one heck of a burden to put on someone. And a heck of a lot of control you’re giving away. When in reality the onus should be on ourselves. Each of us is responsible for our own happiness and discovering what makes us truly happy (or unhappy) and ensuring that we lead lives that we can be happy with. And those things will be unique to each individual. There’s no one set formula for happiness and what makes one person happy might not make another person happy. Friendships and relationships are great but as that old saying goes you can’t love someone until you love yourself and that includes knowing that you’re ultimately the one in charge of you’re own happiness. And learning to see our own self-worth and what you deserve.

Strangely though, it’s not a simple thing to do. Especially if we’re in the habit of relying on others to fill that void. It’s about learning (or re-learning) new thought patterns and breaking those old habits that keep you in a spiral of temporary happiness rather than being truly fulfilled. Which will, of course, take time as you learn to find happiness within yourself.

Yes, of course, other people do have the ability to make us happy (I’m not saying that they don’t) and where possible we should always make someone feel happy if we can and act with kindness (more on this in a future post). We all need more kindness in our lives and having bonds with people is something that we should definitely treasure but what we must not do is place all of our happiness on other people’s doorsteps. We cannot give other people sole responsibility for our happiness. And only feel happy if those people decide to make us happy or do something to please us.

In summation, yes, people can make us happy and having good relationships with people is important but don’t expect them to fill a void, especially if you’re deeply unhappy. That kind of happiness can only come from within. Find out what makes you, you. What makes you tick? What makes you happy? Look to yourself. You’re the one in control. You’re the one with the power. Don’t give it away easily and consequently lose control of feeling happy.

See you again for the next instalment soon.





Sometimes it’s about also realising who or what doesn’t make you happy.

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